Bush No Longer Resides Here

One sunny day in *2009* an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.' The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.'

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?'

The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.'

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow sir.'

Holy Crap!!

Imagine a beautiful beach with white sand, listening to the gently rocking background noise from the waves. Beautiful bodies enjoying the warm sun, your third beer just emptied and dozing off in the sun lounger. Suddenly, a cloud appears, making you realize that your tranquil peace is about to change ...........

Good Times!!

The hubby and I get some adult time with friends!! We spent a couple nights at my uncles cabin!!

And, this is what happens when the girls have too much to drink....

I Love Sports Soooooo Much...

...that I boogie whenever "The Best Damned Sports Show" comes on!!!
Another sad white girl trying to dance!!!

Just think.....

Just think -
If the Indians had given the Pilgrim
fathers a donkey instead of a turkey,
you'd be having a piece of ass for
Thanksgiving.

Bambi Anyone??

Chinese Restaurant Closed After Dead Deer Found Inside

- A Buffalo-area Chinese restaurant closed Monday night after health officials said they found a deer being butchered in the kitchen.
A spokesman for the Erie County Health Department tells 2 On Your Side they received a call Friday from a person claiming a deer was being butchered at "China King."
When health officials arrived at the restaurant they did indeed find employees butchering a dead deer.
Erie County Health Commissioner Anthony Billittier has scheduled a meeting Tuesday between the department and restaurant owners to determine what the next step will be.
Officials say they don't know whether the deer was road-kill or if it had been hunted. They also say that none of the meat had been served to customers.

Sounds tasty, eh?? Some mugu gai bam-bi with a sweet red sauce!

Kind of like an oriental version of Road Kill Cafe..."You kill em', we grill em'"

EAT UP!!!

FW: Beer Warning

Parenting

A QUICK CHUCKLE!

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

***

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

***

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'


***

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

Love Poems

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM.

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I long for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I hope he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to'how big is my behind?'
I trust that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very bestfriend.

MEN'S LOVE POEM.
I crave for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn'trhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

Men...This explains it all!!!!

Believe it or not...Men are Everywhere!
Woman hasMan in it;
Mrs. hasMr. in it;
Female hasMale in it;
She has He in it;
Madam hasAdam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman.....
Why......? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND When we have REAL trouble, it's a> > HISterectomy. >

Halloween is gonna suck this year......

Did You Know?

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, Drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

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Makes You Proud To Be An American

Are you a loser too?

Who in God's name creates these reality shows; America's Got Talent, The Biggest Loser, Nashville Star, etc. ?! It seems like every week there is something new! I guess it's all about the ratings, huh? In fact I'm thinking of creating my own. ...I'm working on a name for my show now. I'm thinking something along the lines of 'Mis Ninos 666'!!



Oh...ok, yes I am one of those saps that actually follow the reality show trend. The Tivo is set to record this pitiful crap every week!! And, it will be set for American Idol when it starts in January! Do you have a problem with that?!

The really sad part is while watching The Biggest Loser, I'm usually scarff down a Totino's Party Time Pepperoni pizza(while drinking a DIET Dr.Pepper of course) or dipping my chocolate chip cookies in my ice cold cup of milk (Fat Free/Skim milk)!!

I've got to hand it to these contestants. Going on a nationally televised program, strutting around in a sports bra?? No thanks, not my idea of fun! I do not feel the need to share my child bearing stretch marks or broadcast my weight to the world! Like we aren't all self conscious enough!!

If I were to go on this show give me Jillian...WHAT A B-OTCH!! I really would not consider her a motivator. I don't know about you, but, if I have someone in my fact screaming at me, and telling me I'm lazy and to get off my ass. I'm pretty sure I'd like to knock her f**kin' teeth out! I wonder if it's all just an act? Nah...I'm going to guess she carries the bitchiness on "after hours".

In all seriousness, she is the one I'd want. She gets the adrenalin going, and the blood pumping!!

http://www.thebiggestloser.com/

Just in case my viewers are interested in auditioning for the cast of their favorite reality show, here ya go..
Reality TV Magazine 10/1/08 "Redneck Bash" Now Casting